Yet to heal

My blog is revealing. So revealing that when my romantic life fell apart I had to physically strain myself from touching the keyboard. Suffice to say that enough time has past by for me to not feel any extreme emotion when his name is mentioned or when my mind stops to think of him during the day. And by extreme emotion I mean anger, disappointment, or continue to find myself hugging the closest soft item and press it against my left chest; trying to stop time. Instead, his name is like a word in a foreign language now-- distant, yet so familiar.

It seems so long ago now. Honestly, today I don't know what to think of him. I won't badmouth him because it doesn't feel right to do that just to mask my pain. The fact is he was a wonderful man. He stayed by me until it didn't seem possible to go further. And yes, I loved him as best as I knew how to love. Probably that's what really pains me, that the way I loved didn't prove to be enough. And if it wasn't enough for him; then it probably wouldn't be enough for any great guys out there.

Even so, my heart got broken and the repercussion of that is my eagerness to repel from any remotely romantic relationships that I deem improbable (even if others know better). I gave my heart away and I need time to put it back where it belongs--inside, wrapped with all the warm and positive energy that I'm very capable of giving. In any case, I thought about it and came to conclude that I have let go; but I am yet to heal.

Please, be patient with me.

I am back

I'm chatting with a friend from Alliance Française class way back when. I was running out of sites to browse and inadvertantly clicked blogger and a flash of warm nakedness swarmed me. Seriously, reading my last post feels uncomfortably revealing yet natural and unselfish.

I have a few reasons why I took the year long break from, well, writing in general. I felt the need to repatch myself after the Paris-Jakarta move, find meaning in my then ambiguous relationship with a certain male, and sketch my fuzzy hope of the future. Today, I am well in my programme to graduate in 3 years, ambiguous male friend is my boyfriend, and I have a plan (which is all I ask) of where I'll be in the future.

It would be impossible for me to story-tell all I want to share in one post, so what I'll do is pick-up my blog-writing regularly and I'm sure certain things will come up during. My message though is that I am back, and this is where I want to be.

Love,
Mia