Not who she is.

I just came back from browsing around Tiara Lestari's blog (thanks for pointing it out to me, Cen). For those of you who don't know, she's an Indonesian model that has gone international through various magazines. Limited by my ignorance and the propaganda of the media on her (to, no doubt, be selfish and business-minded), she posed for the cover of Playboy Spain which created a great controversy since Indonesia is the largest Muslim population. Through her blog, I finally came to realise that as "wrong" a profession it may be in my eyes, it is by far more conceited of me, and of anyone, to fall moral prejudice on her. Posing half-naked or naked, ironically, doesn't let us see through her. And it certainly doesn't open more of the real Tiara as when she is fully dressed behind woven threads.

Her blog humanised her. Inside the facade of her beautifully slendered figure, she is a strong person who knows, understands, and stands up to the consequences of her actions. Her modelling does not earn my applaude, yet it doesn't matter, and that's final. Her profession isn't about anything or anyone except her, and her only.

This reflects back into my life. When was the last time I did something without worrying about the consequences? My routine life of eating, college, online becomes so ordinary like bringing oxygen to my lungs. I bought a book yesterday as I was catching up old times with a friend from highschool, Veronica decides to die by Paulo Coelho by which I managed to read in one night. A blessing, that's what life is. I shouldn't worry about how fake a smile could look to other people, because what I give out is simply a reflection of their own.

Winter is getting colder and colder.

PS:
Rin, thanks for your "critic" - this post goes out to you!
Sal, thanks for your brilliant idea. I think I will do just that :)

Kesibukan trivial

Akhir-akhir ini saya banyak mencari kesibukan, layaknya orang yang ingin mengesampingkan pikiran yang telah banyak menelan waktunya di masa lalu.

Saya pergi mencicipi roti dan kue dari boulangerie/patisserie terkemuka Prancis, Kayser, ke Paris utara, saat cabang terdekatnya terletak hanya 10 menit dari apartemen saya di selatan. Periode diskon besar-besaran yang hanya terjadi 2 kali setahun disini pun saya pergunakan dengan cukup baik, walau saya semata-mata keluar hanya dengan menjadikannya alasan. Saya ikut serta mempromosikan institut saya dalam setiap salon d'etudiant, meski salah satunya berarti memperkenalkan program MBA, yang mana saya pelajari 10 menit sebelum mengulangnya pada "calon" mahasiswa. Proyek membuat buletin institut ingin direalisasikan, mengikutsertakan saya sebagai salah seorang penulisnya. Diatas semua itu, semester baru telah mulai, dimana saya kini mengambil satu pelajaran major yang tentunya akan mengunci pilihan saya untuk semester-semester berikutnya.

Akhir-akhir ini saya banyak mencari kesibukan, untuk mengesampingkan suatu pikiran lain. Ya, sampai sekarang sih ini memang merupakan cara yang efikas untuk menangani suatu hal yang enggan kamu hadapi dan takut lepaskan. Pertanyaannya adalah... sampai kapan?

Untuk saya, batasannya adalah rasa malas saya ^ ^;
Sambil menunggu dia datang kembali, saya akan menikmati kesibukan trivial ini ;)

Ya... hitung-hitung untuk mengesampingkan pikiran yang telah menelan banyak waktu di masa lalu itu :)

Sebuah pertemuan kembali.

Starbux dimana gitU, terSerah si, yang pRaktis buat lu aja. Belanja dimana?

Sender:
+336171****
12/01/06
21.03



Aku menatap jauh ke luar bingkai kaca dari sebuah kedai hangat berlantunkan melodi pasifis. Angin dingin menisik kulit mereka disana. Kafe yang dilambangkan dengan seorang "ratu" duyung dalam lingkaran hijau itu telah dipilih, untuk kedua kalinya bagiku, menjadi tempat pertemuan riil antara dua teman maya.

Kini aku tak lagi tahu apabila angin tetap berhembus diluar sana.

Perlahan, tubuhku tak perlu lagi meringkuh melawan dingin, dan aku pun menanggalkan mantel hitamku. Hembusan angin kencang yang searah kini tak lebih dari tontonan belaka dari balik mataku yang jenaka.

Heran, aku yang baru saja merasakannya kini hanya dapat bersimpati hampa pada mereka. Ya, setidaknya aku bersimpati, lebih dari sekedar berempati dan berandai-andai seakan tahu.

Kami tidak sempat berbincang lama. Aku telah lelah mengikuti langkah kakiku sendiri beberapa jam sebelum pertemuan, dan sebagian diriku menyesalinya. Satu hal yang ia tanyakan padaku adalah mengapa aku kini lebih sering menulis dalam bahasa Inggris disini. Aku tersentak menyadari hal yang telah lama aku sadari. Dan itulah alasan mengapa aku menulis dalam Bahasa Indonesia sekarang.

Aku tak tahu apakah ini suatu perubahan permanen atau sekedar menyisipi sebagian dari identitas nasionalku dalam halaman maya yang, mungkin dan mungkin tidak, lebih dari itu.

Selamat datang kembali dalam dunia mayaku.

One New Year's Eve

My handphone tuned its instrumental melody as my LCD identified a friend's number.

"Mi! You at home?"
"Heyy.. yup. What's up?"
"Hmm wanna watch a movie tomorrow?"
"But it's new year's eve tomorrow."
"...The afternoon."
"Oh. Right. Hmm..."
"Come on..."
"Hmm..."
"I've got free tickets."
"Oh! Should've told me earlier."
"..."
"Hihihi"
"So, that's a yes?"

That was how my "adventure" was planned to start on the 31st of December. After having a nice lunch in one of my favourite oriental restaurants with my brothers (the place was closed on my birthday when we originally wanted to "celebrate"), I went to meet my friend at the cinema.
After watching Saw II and still shivering (both the cold and "ending"), we killed time at haagen dazs before making our way to the embassy.

Actually, at first there was the idea of spending new year's eve with friends from college instead of this friend from out of school. Yet there were no clear plans, and cafes in student area Luxembourg means going quite a way back home in the darkness, alone, since none of them take the same metro line. So, after cancelling it to them, I no longer was in the mood to celebrate the digital change of year. However, nobody was home, my brothers have both gone to the embassy. Hence, I went too.

Although their vocal abilities are great, the show held there were pretty much stale.

At 23.30, my friends and I walked to Trocadero and joined the other hundreds of people there, viewing the Eiffel tower straight on. I was exactly where I was last year.

Surprising to some, but yes, there were no official fireworks by the Eiffel. Like any other year.
Let me put it this way, there were more empty bottles of alcoholic drinks than fire crackers of any sort. The Eiffel Tower twinkled its magnificent Swarovkis-like-lights, and the celebration atmosphere heated then.

We managed to make our way out of the crowd with great difficulties (I didn't know human-beings can literally block you from getting through) and walked back to the embassy. From there, I made my way home, alone.

"Is it OK for you to go home alone?"
"Sure. Don't worry."
"..."
"I'll be okay."
"Call me when you get home."