Identitas?

Suatu perbincangan cukup menarik mengambil tempat saat saya dan teman pulang dari bioskop ke concorde. Hubungan saya dan dia sebatas "temannya-teman" dengan dunia 135 derajat berbeda (45 yang sisa mununjuk persamaan kampus dan latar belakang. Walau dia memiliki paspor Belgia, dia masih setengah Thailand-Kamboja).

dia: "lo beruntung ya"
mia: "beruntung kenapa?"
dia: "sudah banyak melihat dunia"
mia: "... ya, dan kalau ada satu hal yang gue bisa syukuri dari semua perpindahan itu... pasti gimana mereka udah ngerubah penglihatan gue"
dia: "dan saat balik, pengalaman itu akan menjadikan lo orang yang lebih menarik"
mia: "hmm"
dia: "soalnya identitas lo jelas"
mia: "identitas?"
dia: "yup"
mia: "..."
dia: "gini loh mi, menurut gue nilai-nilai Asia lo kuat banget untuk orang yang sering ninggalin tanah air"
mia: "oyah?"
dia: "yup."
mia: "mungkin karena saat-saat umur 'pembentukan' gue berada di negara gue kali"
dia: "mungkin"

---

dia: "... nyokap gue selalu protes ngeliat nilai-nilai Asia gue semakin hilang. kan dia yang nikah sama orang Eropa"
mia: "..."
dia: "haha.. begitulah"
mia: "tapi, waktu pertama kenalan dulu, lo bilang lo orang Thailan. apa itu ngga berarti lo merasa 'lebih' Thailan?"
dia: "iya, tapi gue masih bingung milih values yang mana"
mia: "oh gitu"
dia: "sekarang sudah terlambat"
mia: "..."

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Perjalanan menuju metro cukup jauh, namun sepanjang jalan, perbincangan kami tanpa saya sadari telah berubah menjadi curahan. Dalam hati, saya mendecak kagum atas kejujuran dan kepolosan hatinya. Dibalik isapan rokok, tato dan canda tawanya saat berada dibelakang meja kelas, ternyata masih tersimpan jiwa seorang gadis 19 tahun yang jenaka.

Hatinya baik. Bagi saya, hanya itu yang penting.

Promise

Today started off disappointingly when I figured that making a long-distance call demands for a great amount of luck & effort on our side. I stubbornly woke up later than I had promised, and I hopelessly pressed the destinated phone number to see whether luck was on my side. And it turned out she wasn't :'(

Promise: A declaration assuring that one will or will not do something; a vow.
(dictionary.com)

I've never been taught to see promises as something light. That's probably why I try to avoid it everytime I can. I would try to casually go around my point and use weak, pointless, and/or empty words, to blur my declaration (i.e. "maybe..", "I guess I will..", etc.). And when I do finally make one, with all my heart I wish to fulfill it.

Obviously, like today, I don't always make it. This image of not 'filling' the empty glass comes to mind-- the glass is drying out. So is the promise.

Sometimes certain conditions won't let you keep control of situations. I guess one can argue that it is the very reason why you shouldn't make promises. I, on the other hand, try to source out and find a different definition for promise. A strong will of the heart, purposely declared to beckon others' assurance, conditioned by external unknown factors.
To recuperate my point in bold: a conditioned will. Con-di-tioned. Therefore when a promise is broken, it doesn't necessarily equal to lie.

I understand that now, more than just to justify my failure of the promise I made to call, ofcourse ;D

In the afternoon, I went to meet two friends and didn't know what exactly to expect when one of them came with a soccer ball. Haha, yes for those who know me it's completely a "hein? mia and soccer? It's so not together." And you're right buddies, because my upper stomach certainly didn't appreciate the ball when it tried to kick through -_-; Went to watch Serenity after... didn't enjoy it very much though...