I really liked you

"You know, saying that to the right girl could start a story."

"And not to you? Which still saddens me to this day."

I paused. Was it because I told him I was leaving? I mean, really, something as flattering as being liked made public before the leave is totally exciting. Perhaps it's the whole now or never dilemma; and with what your heart feels at that moment, usually never seems a little too long to wait. But I've been there, and certainly have done that.

How a guy feels about me is something I'm not cool in asking. I can be obsessively shy, and for the person to know that--I am good as deadmeat. I'd stumble on words and blaze red hot panic in my face. This is to tell someone that I appreciate them telling me. Which my heart does, more than my mouth anyway. The thing is I'd hate to be responsible for pushing such a good guy who had asked for a simple Indonesian date for the last year to rethink before he asks again. Like how I would if I'd ever ask a guy on one and have to settle with the busy excuse.

And for that I praise the heavens for making him nothing like me.

So why didn't he tell me before?

"It's all good. Otherwise I'd have to deal with you leaving now."

Aah. Well, as far as my experience has taught me, vulnerability when losing is very much part of the feeling.