Lousy "esprit"

I had a scraped spirit, forcing its way out into a foreign circle. I felt the wall separating. I felt it, has it ever been more real now that it's tangible? I didn't know where I was going, my mind wasn't focused on anything.
I hated the feeling, mainly because I didn't know why the feeling appears more and more.
I hated to talk about it, because I know people would try to identify the source of my disappointment, and surely make their judgments based on stupid non-verbal "hints."
I hated the every "Miaa whats uup?" thrown at me, because my lips wouldn't be synchronised with my two eyes as I make the lie.

I sat myself in the middle of micro class, ignoring the "friends" I casually chat and "kissed" before class, only to stupidly obey the French "social rules." When I got to the classroom it was rather crowded, and all I wanted was to sit down and have a calm lesson. That was before the; "eh oh, Miaa pourquoi tu te mets tout devant? Tu veux pas t'asseoir a cote de moi?" and the real answer would be NO. Then as I've predicted the seat beside me also got taken apparently because the professor's French accented English was so horrible that suddenly nobody knew how to write in English (i.e. copy notes). And then I heard another buzzing sound from behind (same person) and the person beside me simply answered; "ouais, j'ai une 'partner' en micro."

I turned myself and simply said, "il y a plus de places, je ferais mieux de me mettre la."
The truth is that I didn't want to betray myself and prove that the day hasn't been okay. Hell the week hasn't been okay. I'm losing ground. And its because of many things, that they simply cancel each other out.

At the end of the day, I'm back to square one.