College work is piling. I'm starting to see deadline dates as a just cause to enjoy my moment now, and panic later. Even the weather outside is in transition like a lost teenager finding where to belong. A lost me.
I spoke with a friend over MSN and came around talking about how he missed his early teen years. He spoke of how nowadays he has to think 'twice' before acting and calculate the consequences in the future. I guess he was right. I see a crossroad coming my way, and the route I choose then, I know will set me into different adventure (i.e. obstacles) in life. Maybe they will have a common destination. Maybe not.
I'm not a good loser, but I know I'm not a worse winner. Next year, I will need to have overcome my fear of entering the world's real game and advance. Thoughts haunt me without structure during the day, as I listen to well-planned ideas and plans for the future, coming from determined souls. A sudden impulse rushed for me to do the same, but an invisible wall stretched as far as my will-- reflecting, and making it sit back down again. To them, I seem to have not a worry in the world. To them, I seem like someone who'd pull the last card out, and ace the round. Inside, I wish to know what that card is.
Have I been too drenched in soft reality, limiting my ambition?
Ramadhan will end in less than a week.
Not surprisingly, it has been my worst since many years.
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